She is in my trunk
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
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I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize