The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
