thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
