I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
