Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
