The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
