Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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