sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
