apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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