I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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