Im at strip club and am horny
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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