turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
