Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
