I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
