no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
