you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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