I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
