She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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