kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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