i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
