oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Sext me about skeletons
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
