im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
