We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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