It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
