threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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