Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
