If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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