Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
