do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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