He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
