his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
