i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
