I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
