i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
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Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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