I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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