Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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