i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
