I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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