Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
