I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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