Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
