You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
