hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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