well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
