Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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