Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he high fived his dick after we had sex
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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