and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
