I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
