its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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