so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
