best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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