Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
