so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
