Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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