theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
