he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
