i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
