I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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