god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
