I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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