By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
