I just gift wrapped bread.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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