she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
