I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
