I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
