next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
