You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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