Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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