I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize