At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
