he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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