just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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