Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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