i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
