I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
