Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
