I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
