yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i drank out of a bidet.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
