that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
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i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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