You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
