In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
