I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
